Freitag, 9. Mai 2014

In the cemetery of Montmartre

(orignal text was written on Thursday, 2009/03/09 "Auf dem Friedhof von Montmartre")

«In the cemetery of Montmartre, cries from the winter sky»

Cold, the air in February. I can just barely feel my legs yet, but it doesn't matter. I'm remembering the christmas eve. This one fateful night... How tortured he must have been suffering to dead. For hours and hours... and hours... till the end came.
The snow is falling. Again. There is already so much snow on the ground. All the gravestones have got white bonnets. In the winter night, the cemetery looks like it was a beautiful painting.
I'm inflaming the match and lightening the red grave candle's wick with its flame. The shadows of the relief-like letters of his name are dancing with the candle's flame in the wind. Dancing on a cold stone. I'm shivering while I'm reading his name. Erik. Why? Why was it you?! What have I done?!

I'm getting overhauled by the memories of the christmas eve. I see us. Erik and me, dancing at the "Danse macabre". There are others dancing around us. Others like us. Black. All are we wearing black clothes. Erik is wearing a flouncy shirt of white silk combined with a black blazer. Baroque. I'm peering into his green eyes. Everything I feel is love. Deep true love. We are meant for each other.

The ball is over. Too fast. Erik and me are walking through the car park. I'm slipping on a iced place, but he catches me softly. We're laughing. For the first time of my life, I'm happy. Honestly... After my bad childhood with several foster parents, which never have loved me, did I finally find someone, who loves me.

Imperatively do I want do drive the car. I just have the learner's license indeed, but nevertheless am I a good driver. Erik is sceptic. Means it is too dangerous tonight. I insist. I'm looking with begging eyes into his green ones, till he says yes. He is smiling, whereupon his long vampire fangs are visible.  He throws the keys over to me.

The streets are white. The trees are white too. We're driving through a peaceful winter wonderland. We're alone in the streets. The world is us. The future as well.
Erik tells me how deep his love for me is. Everything is perfekt.

I'm slamming on the brakes! I'm trying to alter the course! Everything is turning. I'm losing control... I lost the control over the car. A pound! The crash! The airbag! A dark curtain is falling down. I'm passing out.

Erik is sitting next to me. Perforated with metal and branches. But he is alive. He must have horrible pain. Blood is running out of his mouth.
I wouldn't know that, if I hadn't seen the pictures the police showed me. When the firefighters fetched him out of the wreck of his car after two hours, is he dying.

I can see his green eyes, just as green as the pill with the skull picture. His green eyes. He loves me. The green pill. It promises fun. The green pill. It makes you happy. The green pill.
Erik avoids drugs. Me too, actually... but...
Erik is dead... me too - in some way.

Because of a woman and a bound of rosy elephants in the street did I kill my boyfriend. It was hallucination. Green pills and rosy elephants.

I'm no more able to move. The winter is too cold. I'm crying lying in the snow. The sky is crying too. I can feel its cold tears on my cold skin.
We both are crying. Erik up in the sky and me down here on earth. On the ground.

I'm lying in front of his grave. I can't move anymore. I'm tired. The black curtain. I'm dying.
Can you see me dying? I'm dying alone...

Erik, soon I will be together with you again.